NOTE: due to sensitivity of the matter, i decided not to narrate what really was the problem which would probably make this writing a little bit "out of this planet ". i do hope, with the wisdom of our ALMIGHTY GOD, you will be able to get something from this.
ITS me vs Monster PAGUFE
For the past week, i scarcely slept and ate well. Unusual rashes covered some parts of my back, lower neck, and stomach. (It was so annoying that i even reprimand myself from eating chicken thinking its an allergic reaction.) Instantaneously, i became choleric, squeamish, moody, and a total jerk.
Perhaps, PAGUFE was succeeding in his job-that is gnawing my heart, suffocating my mind, abasing my soul.
Who is he?
He is a monster.
And i created him.......WITHIN.
He came to life when something happened between me and 2 of my dear friends.
He was benign at the beginning thus, i ignored him. I pretended i was fine, i faked my smiles, i even disdained the mere thought of asking for help. Then, he slowly grew bigger...so sooner than i thought..
I tried to confront PAGUFE.
I tried to destroy this heinous monster.
But, before every battle would start, i would cowardly surrender.
Call me chicken, timid, craven, dastard, poltroon. Call me whatever you want. For me, its just hard to combat against the soldier you see when you look in the mirror. It is so hard
to face ones fault,
to accept ones shortcomings,
and to forgive ones wrongdoing.
PAGUFE is my PAin, my GUilt, my FEar. He is crashing my spirit everyday until i remembered HIM.
>PSALM 27:1"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"
>PSALM 46:1-3 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.Therefore will not we fear , though the earth be removed , and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled , though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah."
>ISAIAH 60:13a "As one whom his mother comforteth , so will I comfort you.."
>ISAIAH 41:10 " Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed ; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
i lost many battles against PAGUFE, but i,with willingness, and GOD won the war. Nothing is bigger than Him; not the monster we create or Satan himself..."for our God is a consuming fire." Heb. 12:29
Now, those cataclysmal moments are nothing but learnings. I am walking in the road which God purposely prepared for me. Their will be many self-created monster i will face in the future...yet, for now, THE WAR is OVER.
Taken from the message Janine sent to me since she can't access blogger yet and we don't know why. All of the content was written by Janine. I just posted it.
PAGUFE, indeed! All of us have that monster within us at some point. Now, we can call it as such with only a few people knowing what we mean by it. Pain, guilt and fear. These three always go together when problems arise. I also learned new words from you, sis.. Thank you! I'm so blessed by your post..
ReplyDeleteI love this blog. Like you sis,I'm currently struggling and fighting against the PAGUFE in me. Your blog is an inspiration and a reminder too.You open our eyes to the reality of having PAGUFE in each of us.Keep writing blogs,sis.So blessed by it. To God be the Glory and honor forever!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, darling! If sis janine writes it, we will surely be blessed and we can learn many things from her..
ReplyDeleteover..over!!! english kau mo uy.... wahihihihihih sis jeremy is definitely a 'woman of words'.... keep it up sis!!! til your next blog....
ReplyDeletehahahaha.. Since we are English majors, that is a part of us, oreo.. hehehehe.. Plus, it's good that other readers, especially the foreign ones, can understand the exchange of words here.. Char.. Ambisyosa ko dai.. Murag naay foreigner nga mu read aning atong blog.. But, we don't know diba? Maybe someone happens to come across this blog of ours and he/she can learn something out of our posts.. I'm sure our readers will be blessed.. And, it's also one way of practicing our written grammar.. hehehehehe.. You better write a blog, oreo, since you have no reason that you can't do so.. =D
ReplyDeletewhehehehe...i did try 1 hour just to finally be a contributor here...hehehehe...
ReplyDeleteto all my sister: thank you for your'e encouragement. i am overwhelmed by your praises and i encouraged all of you to write also. i do hope that ill be able to write more blogs for God's glory. thank you so much. God bless.
It's a good thing that you're now a part of our blog, sis.. =D.. Yipee! I changed the Janine in the title to Sophia.. I made you an admin now so that you can equally access and change something in our blog like I do.. you can even now change the design... =D
ReplyDelete